I was watching Apocalypto the other day (awesome movie, go see it) in which the titular character is called Jaguar Paw, or Jaguar for short, who is seven types of awesome and sneaky and really fucking bad-ass. And because my mind hasn't been out of the Losers gutter for a while, I came to Jaguar = Cougar as a conclusion. And then I watched Disney's El Dorado shortly after which didn't help me any.
And it made me realise:
I need the AU fic where Cougar is a native. Like a The Losers/El Dorado crossover (omg *dies*)
Where Cougar is the result of a brief, but tragic love affair between a Mayan woman and a Spanish soldier (who died or went back to Spain or something) and she ends up raising their son on her own.
Ignoring the Mayan tendency for a clean-shaven face (*1), Cougar's mother teaches him how to trend a beard like his father's - making him stand out even more when combined with his hispanic features. Originally named Carlos after his father, he is given the new name of Cougar for his hunting skills after his coming of age ceremony .
Despite his strange features, Cougar is never shunned and grows up to be the most bad-ass hunter in town (duh!).
Then along come The Losers, a group of pirates (*2) lead by Captain Clay and his crew headed for the Spanish colonies to steal some of the rumoured Mayan treasures.
Losers and Cougar meet (presumably Cougar stumbles upon their camp while hunting along the coast, sees a hat that he likes, they don't have those in Mayan-town and steals it because why not?). Cougar hunting awesomeness. Cougar/Jensen happens. Cougar takes them to El Dorado. Lots of hanky-panky/kissy kissy, maybe a teaspoon of angst. All is dandy and nothing hurts. Everybody lives happily ever after. The end.
Or something along those line. I don't know, but I want it.
Since I can't write for shit, but can do a good sketch when my muse is tickled the right way, I drew this instead. And this is like, a breakthrough for me. I can't colour, I couldn't. Suddenly now I can. IDEK, but \o/ for me. It's funny how my tablet dying slowly is making me draw like crazy.
*1. This is an assumption. Since every single movie/documentary featuring Mayans seem to have them all adorned with ivory piercings and rings and body paint, but no facial hair. Then again, I suspect that people don't really know shit about Mayan hair grooming and it's all made up, IDEK. This'll just be my head-canon so people don't throw stones at me :D
*2. Sadly (or not, pirates are awesome) they'd have to be pirates for Roque, Pooch (Jolene) and maybe even Aisha to be freed men/woman during the 1500's, ahahaha, I know stuff.
Also: I don't know where Cortés overtaking and destroying Mayan culture and society fits into all this (and if there was anything left afterwards, I'm too lazy to find out), the only thing I can say is Cougar/Jensen = Your historical accuracy is invalid to me. Also, in El Dorado Cortés doesn't actually find the city, so \o/
The paint on Cougar's face is a design I made up, I just thought it looked cool. If you're going to grill me about patterns or colours or whatever, save your breath, this was just a bit of fun :D
Am I allowed to be proud of this without sounding like an absolute douche? Well I am.